coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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