it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So much Jack, so little girl.
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