it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
