I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
