Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
