Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
