if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
