hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
how does that bad decision feel?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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