why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
