I like my sex mixed with concussions.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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