i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
