I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
PANTIES FOUND
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
