Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
