If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
