Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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