how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
