Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
