Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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