His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
