we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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