see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
