I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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