The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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