I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
