i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
