do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
