I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
