So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
