I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
