Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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