he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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