Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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