I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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