I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
