How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I want to have your abortion
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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