Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
