just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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