Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
