I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
