and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
