matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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