Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
