Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
