so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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