the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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