does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
