New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
