my vag is so smooth its legendary
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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