this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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