there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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