So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
