It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My vagina is very pro this idea
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
