i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
