We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
