being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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