I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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